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It's Complicated


Obsidian Arrows

Time of our Lord Creatos 1539, Sunday the 3rd of Malibu
It’s Complicated
We made it through the commercial lanes without seeing a sole.  Its as if the whole planet was grieving the loss of Trent.  Or at least that’s how it was perceived aboard the Defiant. Tarinnish and the T model A.I where making final preparations to enter the restricted military space above the Quiver. It would take at least three orbits to shed the final speed and lower their orbit for the rondeau.  
On the Hōkūle‘a, Clarish watched as the Defiant made each pass.  Fear and anger rose up in her each time.  How could he?  Why? This was her ultimate dream and he… He just didn’t understand.  A tear rolled down her cheek.  She wiped it away.  She was the captain now and had no use for these emotions.  She was going to deal with this shit once and for all.  As the Defiant made its way past the quiver on the third run, Clarish ready herself.  She put on a dress, not her uniform.  It was uncomfortable as it barely fit over the baby in her womb.  She needed to fulfill her duty as a wife, first.  She didn’t quite know why, but it felt right.  Maybe it was things that her mother had modeled for her.  She had made a commitment and even though she was mad as hell at him, she was still his wife.  
There was no one else on the ship, they would be alone.  She had not made any crew decisions as Tarinnish was unsure of his decision.  She recalled his words, that he needed to see the crewmen face to face.  Shake their hand and hear their words, not from a tape, but face to face.  Clarish balked at first, but then realized her husband and first officer, put a lot of stock in reading people. A trait she failed at, over and over again.  She took people at face value and put little stock in the emotional parts.  It’s probably why she had little to no friends and Tarinnish was the only man to make it past her walls.  He was patient and… She stopped herself.  He was the reason they were at odds right now.  Duty, she would do her duty as a wife and nothing more.  No, she was the captain and he was the subordinate.  She was going to have to establish this up front.  
Coming out of their quarters she went to the ready room.  Looking at the chronometer she wondered if she should meet him at the docking port.  He had to go there first to let Ashley disembark.  She was to be placed in custody and then go before the board of inquiry.  They would determine her fate.  Most likely she would be stripped of her rank and released.  The fact that Trent was her lover and that they had a child together would be factored into their decision.  Their mistake was done and the price was horrific.  What more could they heap on her.  If she was lucky they would transfer some of her experience and credits to civilian entities so she could find work, but they didn’t have to do that.  
Clarish looked at the chronometer again.  They would be docking soon.  She decided to stay. She didn’t want to see Ashley drug away in restraints.  She also didn’t want anyone to see her in a dress.  Especially since it looked horribly disfigured with the baby bump.  It’s a hundred times harder to act like a stoic captain when your stomach stuck out so far and half the time you didn’t know whether to cry or scream.  She thought about the fact that this child was her idea.  She had to talk Tarinnish into doing this, now she was unsure. 
“Crap!” Clarish said out loud.  “Quit wallowing.  You’re the captain now.” She might as well have said it to the walls.  She didn’t feel like a captain.  Sure, she had a ship, but there was no one else here.  Then she skoled herself again, Trent would not let these emotions wash over him.  She shouldn’t either.  She pushed it all back into the box it came from and closed it in her mind.  She had a mission tonight and that was to put things into order.  Her marriage and her position as captain.  Not necessarily in that order.  She looked at the chronometer.  It had only been a few moments.  It would take another ten of so, for the Defiant to maneuver its way home.  She poured some fruit juice in a cup and drank it.  Then filled the cup again.  She thought of her life just a few alunars ago.  The circus, as Tarinnish put it.  The ceremony was like a dream.  The people, the flowers and all the fan fair.  It was a circus, but a woman could not have had a better wedding.  She had never allowed herself to dream of such a day and yet, she had just lived it.  She remembered how sharp Tarinnish looked and laughed at the alterations to his face.  She wanted those periods back.  They just had each other and nothing else mattered.  She thought about watching the vid to pass the time, but then she would have to admit that she missed Tarinnish and that would weaken her position. And she was not about to do that. It just wasn’t fair.  If she were a man, this would not be an issue.  She would go. She would be the Captain and that was final. If she were not married, then there would be no issue at all.  Suddenly she heard the proximity alarm going off in the cockpit.  The Defiant was close.  For just a second Clarish was excited, Tarinnish was back.  She lifted her swollen body off the couch and headed to the port hatch.  She would meet him on the ramp.  As the Captain should.  
The Defiant landed on the far end of the dock as the Gate was still being assembled and took up the area next to the Hōkūle‘a.  She watched at both Tarinnish and the T model A.I. They disembarked and headed towards the mother ship.  Tarinnish saw her waiting.  In a dress and so big.  He couldn’t take his eyes off of her.  She was going to be the mother of their child and despite all that has happened, his wife.  
Clarish watched as they made their way past all the creates and construction.  She was paying particular attention to the A.I. but snuck a glimpse or two at Tarinnish.  She loved him, but he was the enemy right now.  Tarinnish had taken the lead as the path through the creates had shrunk.  They were about ten meters from the ramp.  Tarinnish thought it strange, but Claish seemed more interested in the A.I. then him.  He turned, but the T model only seemed interested in going back to command to recharge.  
Clarish made eye contact with the A.I. as it approached.  The A.I. shook her head no and then looked away.  That was her signal.  Tarinnish had remained faithful, even though she had given him permission.  He didn’t.  She hated him as much as she loved him.  Why didn’t he.  It would make this easier.  
Tarinnish walked up the ramp as the A.I. turned to leave.  He turned back and said, “Thanks for coming out and helping me get home.” 
“Your welcome sir.” Was all she said and then turned to leave.  
Tarinnish waited for the A.I. to be well away before he walked up the ramp.  He didn’t want anyone to see what might happen next.  This was for him and Clarish to work out.  He walked up the ramp to her.  He saluted first and then went to hug her.  It was awkward as she had become so pregnant since the last time, he saw her.  He didn’t want the hurt the child, so he leaned in to hug her being careful not to touch her stomach.  
She chuckled, “You won’t hurt him.  
“I just...Well.” He stammered. He then looked into her eyes, “I missed you.” He said with such emotion.  
She didn’t return the comment.  To herself she admitted that she missed him. She so wanted him, but this was a battle and she had to win.  Problem was, he wasn’t putting up much of a fight.  This perplexed her.  She then turned, “I made us some dinner.”
“Captain?” Tarinnish didn’t understand.  
“Let’s leave that for later.” Clarish said and turned to enter the ship.  Tarinnish followed and sure enough there was a table set for two and enough food, for both of them setting in bowls.  Tarinnish helped Clarish to her chair and then took his.  They ate the food but did not talk much.  It was strange to be here with her and feel like they were still apart.  
After dinner Clarish cleared the table.  Tarinnish wanted to help, but she told him that she would get it.  He didn’t argue.  She came back and pulled the table away from where Tarinnish was sitting.  She then sat on it and spread her legs enough for him to see her. Tarinnish stood up.  He looked her in the eyes.
“What?” Clarish said with a smirk on her face.
“Shouldn’t we talk first.” Tarinnish asked.
“About?” Clarish pulled up her dress.
“Well..Like how this is going to work.” Tarinnish couldn’t help himself, he looked at her.  He wanted her.
“We are man and wife.. Or wife and husband.” Clarish pulled up the dress a little more. 
“I thought you.” Tarinnish started.
“Oh shut up and kiss me.” Clarish wanted him to give in.  She wanted to be in charge, make him weak.  
“I can’t.” Tarinnish hated the words that came out of his mouth.  He wanted what she was offering, but it wasn’t right, not yet.  Not until they talked.  He needed to know if this was just a fling or that she still wanted to be his wife.  “We need to let the air out of this ship and work out how we are going to go…” He didn’t finish.
Clarish closed her legs and stood. “Run this ship.” She almost shouted.
Tarinnish drew back.  He didn’t know this person. “We will run this ship like we have been trained to.  With you as the captain and me as the first officer.” he realized she was still stuck on his words about wanting her to come with him on the Defiant.  That if she stayed on the Hōkūle‘a she would be killed. “I’m your first officer. I will obey any lawful order you give.” 
Clarish was now off guard.  She had been rehearsing her argument of how she was the captain and he was the subordinate.  That she was going to call the shots and he was to obey them.  She had spent the last three sevenths mulling this over and over in her mind.  She had to win.  But now there was no battle of wills.  Her wiles were not needed to win him over.  He submitted.  Her emotions swung from delight to discussed.  How could he give up so easily?  What was his game? 
Tarinnish saw the confusion in her eyes.  “I’m your husband, not your captain. But in both rolls I’m here to support you.” He kept her gaze.  He meant every word he said.  
She couldn’t deny the tone.  The look in his eyes.  He meant what he said. “But the vision? And the fact that you wanted me to travel with you on the scouts?”  She wanted him to fight, but she didn’t know why.  She was getting what she wanted.
Tarinnish, “I have been praying and asking God for an answer.” 
Clarish asked, “And did He give you one.”
 Tarinnish hung his head and said, “Not really.”
Clarish asked impatiently, “What does that mean.”
Tarinnish looked into her beautiful brown eyes, “Only that I’m to go with you.” 
“That’s not an answer.” Clarish said still wondering if there was any fight in him. So she decided to provoke him, “How does this God know the future anyway? Or is he just making this up to confuse us?”
“That’s a bit off the subject don’t you think.” Tarinnish didn’t want to fight or give her something that she could tear apart. 
“Well, you want me to believe in this God, so tell me how this vision thing works.” Clarish demand.
Tarinnish thought for a second then let his thoughts go, “You know that we are linear beings.  We have a beginning and an end.  We also have all the steps in between but only one moment at a time.” He looked at Clarish to see if she was following.
Clarish nodded her head that she understood.
“Our God is not linear.  He exists in today, yesterday and in the future, all at the same time.  And on occasion he gives us a glimpse of this future, or an understanding of the past and if we are fortunate, a picture of how good it is to be in our present.” Tarinnish said in a s soft a tone as he could.  It’s a bold concept and not everyone grasps it.
“So were just puppets.” Clarish asked.
“No.” Tarinnish knew this was a difficult thing to understand.  It took him years to get it. 
“But if he knows what we are going to do, what’s the point?” Clarish asked.
“The point is that we get to understand how to be like him.” Tarinnish said.
“Like him?” Clarish was not following this.
“Well not the nonlinear thing, but the… No, we..” He stopped; this was going in the wrong direction. “No, we need to learn to trust him.  To lean on his wisdom and follow his plan.” Tarinnish was pulling this conversation back to where it belonged.
“So, he doesn’t want us to go.” Clarish asked.
“No, we are going.” Tarinnish said.
“But I’m going to die.” Clarish asked for clarification.
“I don’t know.” Tarinnish said.
“You said I was dead.” Clarish wanted to push this line.
“Yes, but that doesn’t mean that will be the outcome.  It might happen, but it does not necessarily mean that it will happen.” Tarinnish was losing ground.
“But if your God is nonlinear and he said that I was going to die, how does that not happen?” Clarish asked.
“Some visions are a warning.  In his books, he warned his people many times of what would happen if they didn’t follow his will.” Tarinnish was trying to draw on books he read a decade ago.  He needed his wife to understand that God wanted to keep them safe and that the vision was for their benefit.  Not to keep them from something they wanted, but to keep them from dying prematurely.
“Then why not give me the vision?” She asked.
“I don’t know.” Tarinnish said. He did know, but he was not sharing.  It had taken him decades to discern whether a word, vision or understanding was from his God of just his imagination.  Even if she was given the vision, would she understand it or just write it off as jitters.  
“So, Just so I’m straight.  We are going. I’m the Captain and you’re alright with all this.” Clarish wanted to sum up the evening.
“Yep.” Tarinnish said.  “All I need to know is.  Do you still love me and need me to be your husband?” 
Clarish thought about that.  She had no problem with having a husband and partner.  She just didn’t want to miss out on her dream. She thought about that again.  Was her dream worth giving up this?  A man that was her partner despite what might happen. Or a dream of glory.  Of going off and discovering a new place in the universe that man can exploit for their own gain. What was actually more important?  
Suddenly the baby kicked her, hard.  As if to say.  “I’m here, think of me.”  Clarish jumped.  
Tarinnish saw her and asked, “What? What happened?”
Claish said, “The baby kick. Hard.” 
Tarinnish asked, “That’s normal right?” 
Clarish looked at him, “Yeah, but not that hard.”
“Maybe he didn’t like you yelling.” Tarinnish said.
“Maybe.” Clarish said.  
Tarinnish stepped forward and held out his hand.  Clarish took it and guided it to her stomach where the baby was running his foot back and forth. Tarinnish knelt down and put his mouth close to her stomach, “Hey boy, I’m your dad.” 
Clarish watched as this man held her and talked to his son.  Tears started streaming down her face.  She couldn’t help it. She loved him.  She wanted him and even though she was the captain, she needed him.  All she had to do is admit it.  All she had to do was to tell her husband what she was feeling.  But she didn’t.  She just stood there. Watching him hold her and their son.  Suddenly a tear rolled off her cheek and hit him on the head.  
He looked up.  He too had tears in his eyes. 
She pulled him up and held him, his hands moved up to her face as he took it and kissed her.  Tears still flowing, they kissed and held each other.  By the time they hit the bedroom neither one of them had clothes on and they spent that evening and most of the next day in their room.  She was lying on her side with pillows supporting arms, head and even had one between her knees.  Being pregnant was no fun and she couldn’t remember the last time she was comfortable, but having Tarinnish at her back, spooning her with his heavy arm wrapped around her was as close to heaven as she hand been since their honeymoon. 
She fell asleep and dreamed.  Dreamed of new planets and strange stars.  She dreamed of her son as a young man.  But for some reason she was not in the picture. She was looking at things, but she was not there.  Tarinnish was but she wasn’t.  Did this mean something?  And would she remember it when she woke? 
End of Chapter 9

This blog contains two books of the Remnant Series If you want to start at the beginning of Book 6, click the link below.
1st Chapter of Obsidian Arrows

If you want to read more about the Remnant Series see the links below.

            Book 1-3: Graham Heights available on Amazon.com
            Book 4: The Grey Abyss available on Amazon.com

            Bood 5: Chaos coming soon to Amazon.com

Book 6: Obsidian Arrows


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Thank-you
R. A. Legg

    
  R.A. Legg © 2016. All Rights Reserved.


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